Who needs sleep anyway??

All of the miles on every one of the major airlines that I have miles on have been officially depleted. American, Delta, Northwest, Continental, JetBlue...gone. No more awards travel for the Napester. That blows considering I once had almost 200,000 miles on Continental and over 100,000 on Delta alone at one point. I took pride in miles and the freedom to travel whenever I wanted when someone else wasn't paying for it:). I think I'm about to cry. Anyway, before I do... since my last post, I don't think I've had much sleep: 6:45am flight out of Newark (we won't even talk about the adventures of getting from Brooklyn at 3:00am to Newark, NJ!!), transfer in Charlotte (yes I said, transfer. I've never taken a non-direct flight from NY to LA!!), land in LA, eat (you know they don't feed you anymore!), drop by my manager's only to find out I have a Series Regular audition back in NY, of course so now I have to prepare and put myself on tape to email back to a city I just left hours before! This is the story of my life, I get to one coast and the other calls or books me...weird! Anyway, I have to handle that today as well as start handling some business out here so that I won't have to take another non-direct flight and so I can start building up my miles again! The building must begin and the Empire must exist. I mean, really, GET IT TOGETHER NAPE!!

"You got me walkin on the Moon"...ok not so much

Hmm... is it unpatriotic for me to keep it real and just say it? Uh...ok, here it goes--I've never really bought the whole man went to the moon thing. I mean, I was a kid and pretty much always thought, "cool movie!". At the risk of sounding like some nutty conspiracy theorist (I'll take my chances here) a flag blowing on the moon that has no atmospheric wind and images with just black as the backdrop?? Where were the stars and all other cool cosmic activity that surrounds the freakin MOON? Actually as a kid, I was pretty indifferent to the whole event. Sure, the "1st man on the moon" landmark thingie occured some almost 20 years before the height of my childhood, but sheesh! I was a bit of a science geek and if a man actually walked on the moon, why didn't we talk about it much in detail in science class. Quite frankly, I was indifferent as a child because the event itself always seemed like a mystery to the world: an incomplete answer to an incomplete occurrence. We got waaay more coverage when Christa McAuliffe became the first teacher to go into space and tragically perished in the explosion of the Space Shuttle Challenger. Now THAT was real no question about it. And if there were any questions, they were answered; not some myth or legend...no way to fake it. Or what about when HuBBle went out for the first time and every image it has sent ever since. Moreover, my generation and the generation since the oh, so famous "blast off" of '69, has witnessed the technological advances that has completely changed the world since 1969: microwaves, voicemail, wireless, smart cars, dumb cars (Hummers), cellphones, laptops, skype, satellites, texting, cd's, mp3's and the freakin INTERNET FOR GOODNESS SAKES!!! You mean in all this time, like, um we haven't wanted to repeat something like send someone to the moon...again?! Ya know, cause we've already done it before??! Nope. Simply put, because we never did. But it's all good, I just don't like my patriotism put into question just because I give my country's government space program credit for producing one of the greatest productions of all time. Hey, I give credit where credit is do. Like I said before, "cool movie".
Holla at ur girl:)

OBAMA IN GHANA...(smile)

Loved seeing the Obamas in Ghana...really beautiful stuff. I'm still fascinated every time I see the images of this family doing what it is they are doing because what they are doing is not just being the "First Family of the United States of America", but what they are doing as a UNIT, is far greater and impactful than even that huge moniker. They are BEING (not acting on a T.V show) an African American, brown family loving and enjoying one another in a normal, healthy light. They are BEING that critical and rare image to countries all over the world throughout Europe, Asia, South America, and Africa. To begin the task of getting not just our country but the entire world comfortable with seeing this image within the African American community is powerful. Period. Nuff said. Ahh...a black man going back to Africa with his black family to talk about their heritage and the inexplicable tragedy of their people that has survived insurmountable odds and that would one day come together to tell the story and journey of a great people that continued to survive and fight and die and survive and fight and die some more; that one of their own would become the most powerful man not only of the world they were once shipped to (only to never return from), but also from the land that still lives within us and shines off the color of our skin these 400 years later. He is a tremendous mark within our journey but the images of his family tells the beautiful story of our history.

Peace and Blessings...holla at ur girl:-)
-nape

Top 10 and another Godly lesson learned

This thing is not even a month old and I've already skipped an entire 12 days. I bring this up as an effort to expose a very 100% Nape fact: I am the least habitual person you will ever know! The only thing I do the same everyday is wake up in the morning (by the grace of God), go to the bathroom and Pee. That's pretty much it. Everything else WILL get done but in no guaranteed or particular order. Though there's been many attempts, I've never kept a diary but I've had countless of journals that-well- I always put down only to pick back up again 6 months later. I realize this lack of consistent behavior reveals a lot about a person but I would just like to say up front( stealing from a close friend), "Don't judge me"...I am trying to get better. That's why I think the blog is a good thing...even though I haven't posted in almost 2 weeks. But let us progress and not digress, shall we?!

To be honest, I couldn't begin to sit down for longer than 10 minutes while I was home with the family in Cincy! Man, I actually had a great time and that's rare. I, mean, my mom and I didn't try to put a hit out on one another. In fact, we had like two disagreements in 10 days (Ok, not since I was like 5 has that happened). Also, all I wanted to talk about was the same thing everyone else was talking about...MJ, of course. And I figure enough people had opinions on that so I just thought I'd keep quiet. I do that sometimes, ya know:). Anyhoo, I'm thinking the best way to keep this short and informative is to do highlights! A sort of "top 10" thang and so here we go!

NAPE'S TOP 10 HIGHS AND LOWS SINCE MY LAST POSTING 12 DAYS AGO:
10) Resting around trees and grass while at my parents home. I really made it a point not to stress over anything and quietness and greenery certainly helped
9) Eating Skyline Chili, UDF strawberry malts, LaRosas's Pizza and all of my mama's cooking...probably gained 5lbs easy!
8) Seeing a cousin that I was once extremely close to, but because of his personal journey, we'd been estranged for almost 16years. I really missed that boy and love him with all my heart so to see him and his family (wife and 5 kids) was amazing and a blessing! We immediately picked up right where we left of as little cornball teenagers:)
7) Ok, a low...the way the media continued to misrepresent MJ even in his death and the blatant racism that has surfaced as a result...too much to go into right now but I will definitely have to re-visit.
6) Another low, I'll be damned if I couldn't get ride from Laguardia when I got back to NYC!
5) Kicking it with all of my family and spending more than a couple of hours with them. I realize, extended time is necessary. I even went to Kings Island Amusement Park with the kids and rode some RIDICULOUS rides...woohoo!!!

4) LOW; Realizing and reminded by the fam that I am the only woman in my entire family on either side, that has never been married or has a kid...SHIT!!!
3) Getting a call from an "insider" friend that I'm being considered for a part on a show that I have a lot of respect for. It's cool to even be in the discussion of people they "want".
2) landing on Tuesday, crying for two hours like a baby watching Michael Jackson's Memorial service...wait, side bar: They did the damn thing with that one!! It was so beautiful. I have never felt more emotion for someone that wasn't in my family in all of my life. It was amazing and so fitting. You really could not have asked for more for someone who'd done so much in one lifetime. It was an extraordinary send off for an extraordinary human being....and afterwards put my makeup on and went into a pilot audition and killed it! LOL

AND FINALLY #1) I'm not big on the material stuff, but I've been known to have had some nice things in my wardrobe before and a few that I really cherished so check this out...I found one of my favorite Kangols', my pink and gold Louis Vuitton (special edition) hand bag, and my favorite pair of Pumas>>>(see pic below)!! I thought all of these items were lost in my house fire last year but they were in my parent's garage all this time!! Now, I have no idea how that happened or when I left them there but what I do know for a fact is that was Jesus telling me, ALL IS NOT LOST. Even when you think it must be for sure...ALL IS NOT LOST!! Thank you God:)

Holla at your girl!!;-)

My cuz's "I do", BET, and still...MIKE

MAAAN...so much has gone on over the weekend, I'll never be able to fit all in! Oh, dear but where DO we start? Well first of all, I'm home!!! Yay! I got in to Cincinnati on Saturday and can I just say, after all this time I'm still very confused as to why there are never any other black people on the plane whenever I fly into Ohio?! I mean, WTF is that about? And it never fails that I get the "oh she must be on the wrong flight" look. I mean, REALLY?! In 2009? My President is black...oh, doesn't matter?? OKAYEE. Anyhoo, my cousin--who's totally like my sister when you're an only child (I mean, this who I took baths with and wore the hand me downs from:))- got married on SUNDAY! Yeah, you heard me right...on Sunday and in between 8:00am and 11:00am church services at that! LOL...she called it starting a "new" trend. I called it extremely poor planning. However, I MUST admit it was actually a good look especially if you're on a budget. She had a lovely ceremony at her church with all the bells and whistles. Then we shot over to the church reception hall across the parking lot where we had a delightful breakfast reception. I swear we were done and out by 11:45am! That *ish* was great! I had church, fluffed my cousin's dress, took pics, ate: eggs,grits, biscuits, and was out and almost back at my parent's crib by noon! Holy Macaroni! I am taking notes! In all seriousness though, she was beautiful and did a great job. More importantly, I think she was really happy and that alone was worth the trip to see...luv u much Nic:)

Later that evening I watched the BET awards...

Man, I guess a lot of people were disappointed but I wasn't because my expectations were never all that high. I mean, what did you really expect from an entity that produces and supports a show about the baby's mamas of two rappers! By the way, one of the most appalling moments of the evening was the full on promotion campaign of TINY and ???--oh hell, I can't even think of the other young woman's name. Anyhoo, the show had a lot of questionable moments (just a tore up face of confusion on Beyonce's performance), sure, but they also had a lot to do with very little time to prepare. I give Stephen Hill and those folks some credit for pulling together a monumental task (unexpectedly) within a matter of 48 hours. The artists did their best as well, I think. Think about how brilliant was it for them to use New Edition in the opening Jackson 5 number! Who else could have learned that choreography so fast BUT the guys from Boston that were created under the Jackson model from the time they were kids and as a result, became the Jackson 5 of my generation? Maybe they didn't sound all that great but they performed their butts off...and as a true N.E fan, I was happy with that:) Then there was Joe Jackson on the red carpet(omg, make him stop), Janet (j'adore!), and Joe speaking again this morning(please, make him stop). Just let Janet speak for the fam. She's always kinda been the Ambassador between the black community and that family anyway...or at least since Good Times. All in all, I'm still mourning so my thoughts and prayers are with Ms. Katherine who lost "her baby, a good boy" and Rebe, Latoya, Marlon, Tito, Jackie, Jermaine, Janet, and Randy...all of whom have lost their, BROTHER. I don't want for a minute to abate what it is they must be feeling. An abounding loss that is incomparable to anything I've ever experienced. I recently saw a picture of Mike heading into one of his court appearances during that infamous, ridiculous trial in '03 and I noticed Big Joe holding his son's hand ever so gently but with a grip of fatherly protection and I thought, "No matter how much people villainize either one of these men, this is a father that is holding his child's hand in the face of incredible adversity and standing by him no matter what. It was a beautiful, heartbreaking image. I pray for peace and forgiveness in the Jackson family's hearts as they watch the media and the public began to speculate and scrutinize as we know they will and have already began to do. And in this time of another great adversity I hope they stand together remembering the smoothness of Mike's voice as he sang (accompanied by Carlos Santana) on the Invincible album, track#15-- "Whatever happens...don't let go of my hand". As Joe didn't let go as he and Mike walked in that courtroom together...Don't let go, of each other's hand, Jackson family, don't let go.

MICHAEL JACKSON...GONE TOO SOON

Wow. It's really really quiet where I live on Pacific street here in Brooklyn. It's been since yesterday afternoon and I'm still at a loss for words yet have so much to say about the man and artist that single handedly guided the trajectory of my life. I was about 5 yrs old when my cousins and I went to the Rock With U tour and about 7 when my world would change forever. I watched him as did most of the world on MOTOWN 25 and it was over! No matter that I was a girl, or that I was not even 10, or that I lived in Ohio...it was right then and there I knew I wanted to be Michael Jackson! I wanted to do what he did and not just specific moves (lord knows I never got the moonwalk)but give everything that he had to give on that stage, for others to receive and love it, and to look like there was no other place in the world one would rather be but in that moment. He looked like he was having the best time of his life making us happy by way watching him!! It was super duper cool and the moment I said to myself...I too will do that some day. Since then, I've spent my life as an entertainer: singing, dancing, acting. Everytime I got on stage it was all about putting every piece of my being,100% in the moment and giving the audience everything I had until I would even surprise myself. In college my nickname was "Full Out" in the music theatre department at Howard and ironically it carried over in my first national tour with the musical DREAMGIRLS. But 'full out' is what I was raised on and all I knew thanks to the education of the greatest entertainer of all time...My teacher and the one I cherished in my heart of hearts, MICHEAL JOSEPH JACKSON 1958-2009...please, please Rest In Peace.

The "Random" Wednesday Ridiculousness!

"Uh...umm...uh-ummm", says Governor of South Carolina Mark Sanford. It was like a really good episode of Law and Order. You know when the D.A finds out all the dirt on a high post political figure and then (as apart of the 'deal') they give a press conference and save face by resigning from a committee like the RGA. LOL...I just felt like Sam Waterson was off camera in the wings just looking at the Gov with a side eye and a chagrin! I mean, if it wasn't made for TV, then this had to be an all out joke! Is this guy serious?!! Isn't he the same conservative republican that called for Bill Clinton's resignation after his extra-marital affairs scandal? Wasn't this the guy they were talking up for the Republican VP nod last year?! Oh and after Bobby Jindal's catastrophic, embarrassing rebuttal for the Republicans last year, hasn't this been the Republican Party's 2012 guy?!! Oh brother, the man straight disappeared on a trip to Argentina and lied and said he was in the Appalachians! LOL...OMG! C'mon conservs, is that all y'all got?! After all the energy he spent on trying to reject Obamas stimulus money, he could of just taken a couple more weeks kickin in South America with Maria...uh...ummm!Hysterical!

Moving On...

On my last post, I said I would address Neda...and I guess I probably should. Listen folks, that image of that woman lying there in her last moments and seeing her in those moments before, disturbed me to no end. Not because I feel she's a martyr or a poetic yet tragic symbol of Women's Rights, but because I literally watched someone die!! I watched that 26 year old human being standing there with her professor and her father one minute then minutes later transition from life to death. I HAVE NEVER SEEN THAT BEFORE IN REAL LIFE...EVER!! And quite honestly it disturbed me even more that as her eyes opened big for the last time, her last image of this earth was people standing around her with cell phones, cameras and camera phones Twittering and Facebooking her last breath. It was horrific. And the look on that woman's face in that last moment is not a look of defiance or 'fight the power' or 'girl power'. Instead, it was more like, "I can't believe he's taking a picture of me right now as I'm dying". But he or she was. And they pressed her entire 26 year old life away with a 'send' button. Now, because of all the media attention and hoopla over her "sacrifice", Neda ("divine calling" in Farsi)Agha-Soltan's family was told by Iranian Government officials that she could not have a memorial service. Only her immediate family could be present to bury her. And so they did. This past Saturday, when that young woman went to this protest I don't think she went there willing to sacrifice her life. She felt strongly that the election was not fair and so, yes, she went with others to protest against that injustice. But she didn't even vote so this notion that she was out there willing to take a bullet for what she believed in is a little extreme for me. However, I do believe she did sacrifice something that day. She sacrificed the right to die privately and in peace because now thanks to modern day technology we all know that was taken away...and the look on her face in the camera...still haunts me.

Finally, my randomness rant...
-I went to see Bilal in concert Tuesday night at the Blue Note in the village. He performed mostly his new stuff but he did do "sometime" and Amir of the Roots got up there with him on drums and James Posey came up and got on keys! Mary j Blije was also in the house. It was a good look for B that night.
-Oh... I saw my girl Ciara's new video and....

Loves it

The Day After

Yesterday was the first Father's Day since the passing of my father 2 months ago. So... a part of me undoubtedly thought I needed to speak on It and him; and me; and him; and the father/daughter relationship we had; and actually didn't have...and him. But quite honestly, I'm not ready to go there because...well, I'm just not ready. Death on any level is hard but I think it's particularly difficult when you're not able to identify how you truly felt about someone when they were alive. It's complicated, it's conflicting. I definitely feel a loss but then again, I've felt a void for most of my life that essentially has contributed to me, at times, just being at a loss! Whatevs...I'm a fatherless child with an amazing step-father that has been there for me since the age of 10. I'm fine, healthy, happy and I won't complain. I'll eventually revisit the subject whenever I feel compelled to do so but until then I give thanks for those that willfully take on their responsibility to be the single most important man in their child's life. It's a beautiful thing and because of my experience, I can only hope one day I'll have the wisdom to chose someone special to share that immeasurable responsibility with.
In other news... ah man, I ran out of time! Tomorrow I have to address the Iranian tragedy of Neda. This has to be discussed because well, the revolution is being televised, twittered, live streamed, and facebooked. Damn, Iranian military regime...REALLY?!!!
--To Be Continued

The Gambler

When I was a kid, I absolutely hated being left at Sarah Groves' house for more than a day! The first couple of hours would be cool as we would either watch the Price is Right or Soaps or I'd just spend hours plunking and hammering away at horrific non-tonal chords on the out- of- tune piano in the dining room. But then inevitably, it would happen. Sarah Groves, my grandmother, (and the woman I physically favor most after), would walk over to the stereo (cigarette in hand) and turn up the volume on either one of her two favorite stations...WEBN lite or Beaver "ninety-something point something". Now the lite station wasn't so bad when I was kid in the 80's. Artists like Michael McDonald, Kenny Loggins, Patti Austin, Stevie Nicks, and Paul Simon were all palpable to me as a young music lover. But the Beaver station?!! Oh, now THAT was torture! Nothing but country music all day and all night! Ugh!! But after years of occasionally being doomed to these periods of punishment, I began to acquire not only an appreciation but a deep connection to the music and it's style of simplistic yet honest story telling. That being said, some of my favorite artists today are from that genre because I got so many lessons out of their music (unwillingly) as a child. Artists like: Dolly Pardon, Amy Grant, John Denver, Willie Nelson, Loretta Lynn, and Kenny Rogers. Aaahh, Kenny Rogers (sigh)...now that's a man. Loves me some Kenny Rogers! In fact, just this morning, it was one of Kenny's songs that played in my head as I awakened. You see, I was looking for some answers to some questions I'd been having regarding some relationships in my life: old and new, intimate and casual, personal and business. Lately, I've been frustrated in a lot ways with myself for being someone that often gives the benefit of the doubt for no reason. I mean, I would really prefer for people to all out show me what I don't want to see before I completely cut them out of my life. Well, hell...that could take forever! Or worse, I run the risk of someone hurting me sooo badly to the point where I'm completely scarred by the time they do get out of my life! Either way, not a good look. Yet, as it was when I was an 8 year old and sitting on my Grandma's porch waiting for my mom's orange Vega to "PLEASE GOD COME GET ME!", I got the lesson through the music. Country music that is. Kenny's lyrics danced all through my mind and fed me a solid breakfast of truth as I layed there at 6:30 this morning. He said:

You got to know when to hold ‚em
Know when to fold them
Know when to walk away
A Know when to run
You never count you’re money
When you’re sitttin‘ at the table
There’ll be time enough for countin‘

When the dealin’s done

I immediately started applying the lyrics of THE GAMBLER to the relationships in my life that needed to be dealt with. In general, most relationships are a gamble because you have give in order to get. Love is a gamble, trust is a gamble, loyalty is a gamble and honesty is gamble. And sometimes in relationships one of these components runs it's course or disappears or you recognize you never had them to begin with and that's when the relationship game is a game you should no longer want to play. That's when I, the Gambler, has to do what my Uncle Kenny says..."fold 'em, walk away, run". Yes, some relationships should be dealt with and some...well, "dealin's done".

In other news....RANDOM! One of my best-est and closest friends' is in town and we've been drinking non-stop since she got here on Tuesday!! It's really ridiculous because we're all like "this could be our last year to get it in before we settle down with our own families" as if either one of us even has a boyfriend let alone someone to settle down with!! LOLOL...we don't!! I don't think anyone even likes us right now! We're lucky to get returned texts let alone phone calls in this day and age...haaaah! Anyhoo, I think it was this very realization that is the REAL reason that we're drinking our lives away. However, let me just say...no more for me after last night! Nope! Absolutley no more. I actually drunk texted and drunk dialed...hell naw!!! I'm over the liquor forever or... at least until tonight!:-)))
-Peace and blessings,

So...I'm being Remixed Baaabay!

Lol! I applied for a RUSHCARD this morning! You know that pre-paid debit card that Russell Simmons put out. I'm not going to front, that bad boy is a good look for the struggling artist that's trying to build an empire out of nothing. I mean, nothing....not even a Coke and a smile! But you know, the way I see it, I'm laying down the foundation with my bare hands and sweat, brick by brick and like the great builders of the great Egyptian pyramids, one day many will come from far and wide to experience what God once put in someone's destiny to build. "IMPLORABUS UNO". Yeah, yeah, yeah...that's what I tell myself but for real a sista may need somebody to drop a couple dollars on that card one day; 4real,4real!!

In other news, my agent wants me to put myself on tape for this pilot "presentation" project in LA. I just read it and...OMG, c'mon!! See, this is one of the many reasons I started this blog (day 2...holla!:). I can't deal with my industry and the way people of color are so lazy, complacent, and downright irresponsible with some of the material they're coming up with; material that's supposed to be representing "us" as a people in the year 2009! Now, I don't want to call this project out just yet, but let me just say it's being done by a producer that has produced the 'shukin and jivin' before in order to make some money. Ok, do what you gotta u gotta do, but how are you justifying after making a decent living and getting a name for yourself, continuing to perpetuate these unrealistic, super-over the top, cater to the stereotype of urban people images when you HAVE the OPPORTUNITY to do something better?! You CAN (as we all screamed in the fall of 2008) make a CHANGE in the way you do things in order to start creating images that set us in a better, and quite frankly, more realistic light. Aw man...boo on these fools! I don't think I'm going to even go through the motions on this one...trust me y'all it's that bad!:(

And finally, the last few days have felt powerful. I feel like I'm moving mountains and really getting some things in forward motion. So often, it feels like with everything I want to get done, at the end of the day I'm thinking, "Damn, I did nothing but go in circles today". That has not been the case today or yesterday or last Friday! Now that I've finished the promo trailer for D.N.R (show I produced...still gotta find that bad boy a network home) and picking up the hard drive so that we can work through the technical problems we're having in post for 'COUNTDOWN' (a documentary I'm co-producing and co-directed) and finishing up a new half hour version of my script for E.T.S( a pilot I've developed and co-wrote), I can finally go and lay down some vocals on this song that I wrote a while back...the track was finished on friday! Woohoo!! And then by the end of the week I can REALLY focus on writing the short I plan to shoot by the end of the summer:). So while the music in me often feels as if it's a little to000 slow for what I need to get done; sometimes that very same music inside you adjusts for u....and before you know it your day is accompanied by the remix inside. Ah, thank you God:)

"Gimme a beat!"(a la Janet Jackson).
-peace and blessings

Never Thought in a Million Years I'd Do This...but F-it! Here we go!

Ok, so I'm just getting this thing started...my very first post and all of sudden (and this is RARE), I'm at a loss for words. All I can say is "in the beginning there was....darkness was upon the face of the deep and the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters. And God said, Let there be light: and there was light."
Now, I for one, am not a big "quoter" but as I assemble myself for this journey ahead I feel it necessary to express that I don't believe this blog was solely my idea. I don't fancy talking about myself at all especially to strangers. However, there are some things that are happening in today's society in conjunction with my own personal journey that makes feel like if I don't do and say what's on my heart then spiritually I'm being further pulled away from my purpose which essentially is, my light. That being said, what you're getting here is truly 100% Nape. It's raw, often opinionated, not so pretty, not so ugly, and sometimes all over the place...just like me!:)
Please be patient with me as most of the time (at least in the beginning) I probably won't have a clue as to what the heck I'm doing here...but do me favor and ride this out with me cause for those of you that know, I'm a really good bet!
-Peace and blessings,