My cuz's "I do", BET, and still...MIKE

MAAAN...so much has gone on over the weekend, I'll never be able to fit all in! Oh, dear but where DO we start? Well first of all, I'm home!!! Yay! I got in to Cincinnati on Saturday and can I just say, after all this time I'm still very confused as to why there are never any other black people on the plane whenever I fly into Ohio?! I mean, WTF is that about? And it never fails that I get the "oh she must be on the wrong flight" look. I mean, REALLY?! In 2009? My President is black...oh, doesn't matter?? OKAYEE. Anyhoo, my cousin--who's totally like my sister when you're an only child (I mean, this who I took baths with and wore the hand me downs from:))- got married on SUNDAY! Yeah, you heard me right...on Sunday and in between 8:00am and 11:00am church services at that! LOL...she called it starting a "new" trend. I called it extremely poor planning. However, I MUST admit it was actually a good look especially if you're on a budget. She had a lovely ceremony at her church with all the bells and whistles. Then we shot over to the church reception hall across the parking lot where we had a delightful breakfast reception. I swear we were done and out by 11:45am! That *ish* was great! I had church, fluffed my cousin's dress, took pics, ate: eggs,grits, biscuits, and was out and almost back at my parent's crib by noon! Holy Macaroni! I am taking notes! In all seriousness though, she was beautiful and did a great job. More importantly, I think she was really happy and that alone was worth the trip to see...luv u much Nic:)

Later that evening I watched the BET awards...

Man, I guess a lot of people were disappointed but I wasn't because my expectations were never all that high. I mean, what did you really expect from an entity that produces and supports a show about the baby's mamas of two rappers! By the way, one of the most appalling moments of the evening was the full on promotion campaign of TINY and ???--oh hell, I can't even think of the other young woman's name. Anyhoo, the show had a lot of questionable moments (just a tore up face of confusion on Beyonce's performance), sure, but they also had a lot to do with very little time to prepare. I give Stephen Hill and those folks some credit for pulling together a monumental task (unexpectedly) within a matter of 48 hours. The artists did their best as well, I think. Think about how brilliant was it for them to use New Edition in the opening Jackson 5 number! Who else could have learned that choreography so fast BUT the guys from Boston that were created under the Jackson model from the time they were kids and as a result, became the Jackson 5 of my generation? Maybe they didn't sound all that great but they performed their butts off...and as a true N.E fan, I was happy with that:) Then there was Joe Jackson on the red carpet(omg, make him stop), Janet (j'adore!), and Joe speaking again this morning(please, make him stop). Just let Janet speak for the fam. She's always kinda been the Ambassador between the black community and that family anyway...or at least since Good Times. All in all, I'm still mourning so my thoughts and prayers are with Ms. Katherine who lost "her baby, a good boy" and Rebe, Latoya, Marlon, Tito, Jackie, Jermaine, Janet, and Randy...all of whom have lost their, BROTHER. I don't want for a minute to abate what it is they must be feeling. An abounding loss that is incomparable to anything I've ever experienced. I recently saw a picture of Mike heading into one of his court appearances during that infamous, ridiculous trial in '03 and I noticed Big Joe holding his son's hand ever so gently but with a grip of fatherly protection and I thought, "No matter how much people villainize either one of these men, this is a father that is holding his child's hand in the face of incredible adversity and standing by him no matter what. It was a beautiful, heartbreaking image. I pray for peace and forgiveness in the Jackson family's hearts as they watch the media and the public began to speculate and scrutinize as we know they will and have already began to do. And in this time of another great adversity I hope they stand together remembering the smoothness of Mike's voice as he sang (accompanied by Carlos Santana) on the Invincible album, track#15-- "Whatever happens...don't let go of my hand". As Joe didn't let go as he and Mike walked in that courtroom together...Don't let go, of each other's hand, Jackson family, don't let go.

MICHAEL JACKSON...GONE TOO SOON

Wow. It's really really quiet where I live on Pacific street here in Brooklyn. It's been since yesterday afternoon and I'm still at a loss for words yet have so much to say about the man and artist that single handedly guided the trajectory of my life. I was about 5 yrs old when my cousins and I went to the Rock With U tour and about 7 when my world would change forever. I watched him as did most of the world on MOTOWN 25 and it was over! No matter that I was a girl, or that I was not even 10, or that I lived in Ohio...it was right then and there I knew I wanted to be Michael Jackson! I wanted to do what he did and not just specific moves (lord knows I never got the moonwalk)but give everything that he had to give on that stage, for others to receive and love it, and to look like there was no other place in the world one would rather be but in that moment. He looked like he was having the best time of his life making us happy by way watching him!! It was super duper cool and the moment I said to myself...I too will do that some day. Since then, I've spent my life as an entertainer: singing, dancing, acting. Everytime I got on stage it was all about putting every piece of my being,100% in the moment and giving the audience everything I had until I would even surprise myself. In college my nickname was "Full Out" in the music theatre department at Howard and ironically it carried over in my first national tour with the musical DREAMGIRLS. But 'full out' is what I was raised on and all I knew thanks to the education of the greatest entertainer of all time...My teacher and the one I cherished in my heart of hearts, MICHEAL JOSEPH JACKSON 1958-2009...please, please Rest In Peace.

The "Random" Wednesday Ridiculousness!

"Uh...umm...uh-ummm", says Governor of South Carolina Mark Sanford. It was like a really good episode of Law and Order. You know when the D.A finds out all the dirt on a high post political figure and then (as apart of the 'deal') they give a press conference and save face by resigning from a committee like the RGA. LOL...I just felt like Sam Waterson was off camera in the wings just looking at the Gov with a side eye and a chagrin! I mean, if it wasn't made for TV, then this had to be an all out joke! Is this guy serious?!! Isn't he the same conservative republican that called for Bill Clinton's resignation after his extra-marital affairs scandal? Wasn't this the guy they were talking up for the Republican VP nod last year?! Oh and after Bobby Jindal's catastrophic, embarrassing rebuttal for the Republicans last year, hasn't this been the Republican Party's 2012 guy?!! Oh brother, the man straight disappeared on a trip to Argentina and lied and said he was in the Appalachians! LOL...OMG! C'mon conservs, is that all y'all got?! After all the energy he spent on trying to reject Obamas stimulus money, he could of just taken a couple more weeks kickin in South America with Maria...uh...ummm!Hysterical!

Moving On...

On my last post, I said I would address Neda...and I guess I probably should. Listen folks, that image of that woman lying there in her last moments and seeing her in those moments before, disturbed me to no end. Not because I feel she's a martyr or a poetic yet tragic symbol of Women's Rights, but because I literally watched someone die!! I watched that 26 year old human being standing there with her professor and her father one minute then minutes later transition from life to death. I HAVE NEVER SEEN THAT BEFORE IN REAL LIFE...EVER!! And quite honestly it disturbed me even more that as her eyes opened big for the last time, her last image of this earth was people standing around her with cell phones, cameras and camera phones Twittering and Facebooking her last breath. It was horrific. And the look on that woman's face in that last moment is not a look of defiance or 'fight the power' or 'girl power'. Instead, it was more like, "I can't believe he's taking a picture of me right now as I'm dying". But he or she was. And they pressed her entire 26 year old life away with a 'send' button. Now, because of all the media attention and hoopla over her "sacrifice", Neda ("divine calling" in Farsi)Agha-Soltan's family was told by Iranian Government officials that she could not have a memorial service. Only her immediate family could be present to bury her. And so they did. This past Saturday, when that young woman went to this protest I don't think she went there willing to sacrifice her life. She felt strongly that the election was not fair and so, yes, she went with others to protest against that injustice. But she didn't even vote so this notion that she was out there willing to take a bullet for what she believed in is a little extreme for me. However, I do believe she did sacrifice something that day. She sacrificed the right to die privately and in peace because now thanks to modern day technology we all know that was taken away...and the look on her face in the camera...still haunts me.

Finally, my randomness rant...
-I went to see Bilal in concert Tuesday night at the Blue Note in the village. He performed mostly his new stuff but he did do "sometime" and Amir of the Roots got up there with him on drums and James Posey came up and got on keys! Mary j Blije was also in the house. It was a good look for B that night.
-Oh... I saw my girl Ciara's new video and....

Loves it

The Day After

Yesterday was the first Father's Day since the passing of my father 2 months ago. So... a part of me undoubtedly thought I needed to speak on It and him; and me; and him; and the father/daughter relationship we had; and actually didn't have...and him. But quite honestly, I'm not ready to go there because...well, I'm just not ready. Death on any level is hard but I think it's particularly difficult when you're not able to identify how you truly felt about someone when they were alive. It's complicated, it's conflicting. I definitely feel a loss but then again, I've felt a void for most of my life that essentially has contributed to me, at times, just being at a loss! Whatevs...I'm a fatherless child with an amazing step-father that has been there for me since the age of 10. I'm fine, healthy, happy and I won't complain. I'll eventually revisit the subject whenever I feel compelled to do so but until then I give thanks for those that willfully take on their responsibility to be the single most important man in their child's life. It's a beautiful thing and because of my experience, I can only hope one day I'll have the wisdom to chose someone special to share that immeasurable responsibility with.
In other news... ah man, I ran out of time! Tomorrow I have to address the Iranian tragedy of Neda. This has to be discussed because well, the revolution is being televised, twittered, live streamed, and facebooked. Damn, Iranian military regime...REALLY?!!!
--To Be Continued

The Gambler

When I was a kid, I absolutely hated being left at Sarah Groves' house for more than a day! The first couple of hours would be cool as we would either watch the Price is Right or Soaps or I'd just spend hours plunking and hammering away at horrific non-tonal chords on the out- of- tune piano in the dining room. But then inevitably, it would happen. Sarah Groves, my grandmother, (and the woman I physically favor most after), would walk over to the stereo (cigarette in hand) and turn up the volume on either one of her two favorite stations...WEBN lite or Beaver "ninety-something point something". Now the lite station wasn't so bad when I was kid in the 80's. Artists like Michael McDonald, Kenny Loggins, Patti Austin, Stevie Nicks, and Paul Simon were all palpable to me as a young music lover. But the Beaver station?!! Oh, now THAT was torture! Nothing but country music all day and all night! Ugh!! But after years of occasionally being doomed to these periods of punishment, I began to acquire not only an appreciation but a deep connection to the music and it's style of simplistic yet honest story telling. That being said, some of my favorite artists today are from that genre because I got so many lessons out of their music (unwillingly) as a child. Artists like: Dolly Pardon, Amy Grant, John Denver, Willie Nelson, Loretta Lynn, and Kenny Rogers. Aaahh, Kenny Rogers (sigh)...now that's a man. Loves me some Kenny Rogers! In fact, just this morning, it was one of Kenny's songs that played in my head as I awakened. You see, I was looking for some answers to some questions I'd been having regarding some relationships in my life: old and new, intimate and casual, personal and business. Lately, I've been frustrated in a lot ways with myself for being someone that often gives the benefit of the doubt for no reason. I mean, I would really prefer for people to all out show me what I don't want to see before I completely cut them out of my life. Well, hell...that could take forever! Or worse, I run the risk of someone hurting me sooo badly to the point where I'm completely scarred by the time they do get out of my life! Either way, not a good look. Yet, as it was when I was an 8 year old and sitting on my Grandma's porch waiting for my mom's orange Vega to "PLEASE GOD COME GET ME!", I got the lesson through the music. Country music that is. Kenny's lyrics danced all through my mind and fed me a solid breakfast of truth as I layed there at 6:30 this morning. He said:

You got to know when to hold ‚em
Know when to fold them
Know when to walk away
A Know when to run
You never count you’re money
When you’re sitttin‘ at the table
There’ll be time enough for countin‘

When the dealin’s done

I immediately started applying the lyrics of THE GAMBLER to the relationships in my life that needed to be dealt with. In general, most relationships are a gamble because you have give in order to get. Love is a gamble, trust is a gamble, loyalty is a gamble and honesty is gamble. And sometimes in relationships one of these components runs it's course or disappears or you recognize you never had them to begin with and that's when the relationship game is a game you should no longer want to play. That's when I, the Gambler, has to do what my Uncle Kenny says..."fold 'em, walk away, run". Yes, some relationships should be dealt with and some...well, "dealin's done".

In other news....RANDOM! One of my best-est and closest friends' is in town and we've been drinking non-stop since she got here on Tuesday!! It's really ridiculous because we're all like "this could be our last year to get it in before we settle down with our own families" as if either one of us even has a boyfriend let alone someone to settle down with!! LOLOL...we don't!! I don't think anyone even likes us right now! We're lucky to get returned texts let alone phone calls in this day and age...haaaah! Anyhoo, I think it was this very realization that is the REAL reason that we're drinking our lives away. However, let me just say...no more for me after last night! Nope! Absolutley no more. I actually drunk texted and drunk dialed...hell naw!!! I'm over the liquor forever or... at least until tonight!:-)))
-Peace and blessings,

So...I'm being Remixed Baaabay!

Lol! I applied for a RUSHCARD this morning! You know that pre-paid debit card that Russell Simmons put out. I'm not going to front, that bad boy is a good look for the struggling artist that's trying to build an empire out of nothing. I mean, nothing....not even a Coke and a smile! But you know, the way I see it, I'm laying down the foundation with my bare hands and sweat, brick by brick and like the great builders of the great Egyptian pyramids, one day many will come from far and wide to experience what God once put in someone's destiny to build. "IMPLORABUS UNO". Yeah, yeah, yeah...that's what I tell myself but for real a sista may need somebody to drop a couple dollars on that card one day; 4real,4real!!

In other news, my agent wants me to put myself on tape for this pilot "presentation" project in LA. I just read it and...OMG, c'mon!! See, this is one of the many reasons I started this blog (day 2...holla!:). I can't deal with my industry and the way people of color are so lazy, complacent, and downright irresponsible with some of the material they're coming up with; material that's supposed to be representing "us" as a people in the year 2009! Now, I don't want to call this project out just yet, but let me just say it's being done by a producer that has produced the 'shukin and jivin' before in order to make some money. Ok, do what you gotta u gotta do, but how are you justifying after making a decent living and getting a name for yourself, continuing to perpetuate these unrealistic, super-over the top, cater to the stereotype of urban people images when you HAVE the OPPORTUNITY to do something better?! You CAN (as we all screamed in the fall of 2008) make a CHANGE in the way you do things in order to start creating images that set us in a better, and quite frankly, more realistic light. Aw man...boo on these fools! I don't think I'm going to even go through the motions on this one...trust me y'all it's that bad!:(

And finally, the last few days have felt powerful. I feel like I'm moving mountains and really getting some things in forward motion. So often, it feels like with everything I want to get done, at the end of the day I'm thinking, "Damn, I did nothing but go in circles today". That has not been the case today or yesterday or last Friday! Now that I've finished the promo trailer for D.N.R (show I produced...still gotta find that bad boy a network home) and picking up the hard drive so that we can work through the technical problems we're having in post for 'COUNTDOWN' (a documentary I'm co-producing and co-directed) and finishing up a new half hour version of my script for E.T.S( a pilot I've developed and co-wrote), I can finally go and lay down some vocals on this song that I wrote a while back...the track was finished on friday! Woohoo!! And then by the end of the week I can REALLY focus on writing the short I plan to shoot by the end of the summer:). So while the music in me often feels as if it's a little to000 slow for what I need to get done; sometimes that very same music inside you adjusts for u....and before you know it your day is accompanied by the remix inside. Ah, thank you God:)

"Gimme a beat!"(a la Janet Jackson).
-peace and blessings

Never Thought in a Million Years I'd Do This...but F-it! Here we go!

Ok, so I'm just getting this thing started...my very first post and all of sudden (and this is RARE), I'm at a loss for words. All I can say is "in the beginning there was....darkness was upon the face of the deep and the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters. And God said, Let there be light: and there was light."
Now, I for one, am not a big "quoter" but as I assemble myself for this journey ahead I feel it necessary to express that I don't believe this blog was solely my idea. I don't fancy talking about myself at all especially to strangers. However, there are some things that are happening in today's society in conjunction with my own personal journey that makes feel like if I don't do and say what's on my heart then spiritually I'm being further pulled away from my purpose which essentially is, my light. That being said, what you're getting here is truly 100% Nape. It's raw, often opinionated, not so pretty, not so ugly, and sometimes all over the place...just like me!:)
Please be patient with me as most of the time (at least in the beginning) I probably won't have a clue as to what the heck I'm doing here...but do me favor and ride this out with me cause for those of you that know, I'm a really good bet!
-Peace and blessings,